I entered menopause a bit on the younger side. When it started to happen, I reached out to a mentor of mine to get advice on how to navigate the process.
Her advice was to create some ritual that would help me to affirm that yes, this thing is actually happening.
I journaled about the kind of elder that I wanted to be, climbed the tallest local mountain with a friend, and buried a piece of paper with a list of intentions near a tree at the top.
I also stopped dying my hair, and let it turn silver. I decided that I would completely embody, with radical authenticity, this new version of myself.
The dominant narrative around menopause is that it is a medical issue with symptoms that need to be “managed”. But, this is only one aspect of menopause.
Menopause is also a process of becoming more of who you are. It is a journey through the underworld, a process of letting go, and a process of stepping into your most creative, vibrant, and authentic power.
Our bodies go through massive changes throughout our lives. We bleed with the moon. We make life in our bodies. We nourish and feed and protect. We become what is needed.
And, then, at around the halfway point, everything changes profoundly.
We become hot, VERY HOT. We walk in the fog of forgetting, and our bodies that used to feel like home, might start to feel like a foreign country.
Many women also experience intense rage, grief, and fear.
Everything that we thought we knew, no longer makes sense. Many things that we used to tolerate become intolerable.
I know many women who feel like they are dying during this phase, and I understand this, because I know that change often feels like death.
Menopause affects our relationships, careers, friendships, and the core relationship to our own bodies and minds.
If we resist the changes that need to happen, we can get stuck in fear-based stories about losing our youth, our beauty, and our inherent value.
We can also miss all the good things that are waiting on the other side.
When facing these inevitable life changes, we can choose to either resist and tighten, or we can choose to surrender and find flow.
There is an ancient story that reflects the power of surrendering to the process no matter how scary it might seem.
In the stories of the Mesopotamian goddess, Inanna, she must travel through a labyrinth to the underworld to become the queen that she is meant to be.
As she descends through the seven gates of the Labyrinth, she releases seven garments and objects of power in order to continue. On this journey, she is stripped of her powers, and dies after being hung on a hook.
Eventually, she is revived, and she returns to the world of the living as a fully embodied and empowered queen. She now carries even more power than before she went on this journey.
If Inanna chose to avoid the underworld, and to not release the objects of power, she never would have become who she was meant to be.
We all need to let go of parts of who we are, so that we can truly become ourselves.
Menopause is like the labyrinth. It is the letting go of old forms of power and old ways of being, so that we can become new versions of ourselves.
It transforms us from the inside out, and it is not for the faint of heart.
Beyond the physical symptoms that can be painful and, even debilitating at times, there is also a confrontation of the mystery. We don’t know who will become on the other side of this change.
But, rather than resist it, there are ways of meeting it that can help transform the journey from one of dis-empowerment and loss, into a journey of empowerment and joy.
Here are some simple exercises that can help you navigate the journey.
- Make a list of everything that is no longer working. What can you no longer tolerate about your life or your relationships? Don’t worry about finding a solution yet. Just start by being honest.
- Who do you want to be in this next phase? Are there elder women who inspire you with their vibrance, creativity, wisdom and joy? Make a list of these women, and write a thank you note in your journal that details all the reasons why they inspire you. I was inspired to let my hair turn silver after seeing a few gorgeous women who did it before me. I am so glad I did it!
- List all the things that light you up inside. Be willing to surprise yourself! Menopause is a time to shift how you take care of yourself. And, the most important thing is to do things that GIVE you energy. I go to dance class once a week, and I feel the most joy when I am dancing. This is where true radiance comes from.
- Tune into your emotions. There is often truth and wisdom hiding right beneath the emotions. Feel what they feel like in your body. Journal about what you feel.
- Move your body everyday. Movement is LIFE! Go for a walk, dance, stretch, workout, or do whatever you enjoy.
Marni Sclaroff is a life coach, writer, artist and yoga teacher who brings a lifelong passion for living a creative and purposeful life to people all over the world. With more than 30 years of experience in the holistic, visual and movement arts, and a Master’s Degree in Art Education, she is well-versed in the languages of artistry and transformation. Find her on instagram.
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