1. I rolled my eyes so much I got vertigo.
2. I drank White Claw. On purpose.
3. I told my friends that the weather in Miami is "menopausal."
4. I got caught stalking my son’s girlfriend on Instagram.
5. I asked my teen daughter what ‘pegging’ was and now she’s in therapy.
6. If someone tells me placentas remove wrinkles, I'm becoming a midwife.
7. I only ask my husband about his day to see if he met anyone hotter, younger and/or nicer than me.
8. I found edibles in my teen’s backpack and shared them with my friends.
9. I liked too many posts on my son’s previous girlfriend’s Instagram (I liked her better).
10. You mean to tell me I was supposed to start saving for their college funds before their senior year!?
11. Who knew they called technical fouls on rowdy parents at high school basketball games?!?
12. I pull out bags of candy and mini bottles of alcohol from my purse at the movie theater.
13. I pretend to not know anything about technology so my kids will do it for me.
14. I use the promise of “a good home cooked meal“ to get my kids to visit.
15. I make my kids get extra food at the buffet so I can take it home in the ziplock bags I brought.
16. I challenge my kids’ young adult friends to dance offs too often.
17. When my husband is feeling frisky and I’m not in the mood I make him a huge dinner and turn on ESPN so he’ll fall asleep.
18. I wrap free gifts from Sephora and give them to co-workers I don’t like.
19. I missed my office holiday party to go to my great aunt’s funeral. She died in 1997.
20. I'm on the naughty list because I give my kids crap about watching TikTok videos while I'm on Facebook watching TikTok videos.