For women in leadership, the journey to the top is a grueling feat that can feel less like climbing a ladder and more like scaling a treacherous mountain without any safety ropes. In my 25+ years as an HR leader, I have fought tooth and nail every step of the way, starting as a lowly Staffing Agency Recruiter and clawing my way up to become the CHRO of a $400 million North American company. As I navigated male-dominated boardrooms armed with spreadsheets and presentations, I carried a fierce determination in my heart to make my voice heard amidst the deafening roar of patriarchy.
Despite progress, women continue to face significant barriers in leadership. As of 2024, women hold just 29% of C-suite roles in the U.S., up from 17% in 2015. Yet, the disparity becomes even more pronounced at the CEO level, where only 10.4% of Fortune 500 companies are led by women. For women of color, the numbers drop to a mere 1%. These statistics reflect a systemic issue that requires individual resilience and collective action.
But let’s be clear: The table isn’t set for us. We must build it ourselves. Here’s how.
The Myth of “Earning It”
Society has fed women a poisonous lie, convincing them that determination and relentless labor are all it takes to achieve success. But the harsh truth is this: you can be the most driven and dedicated worker, pouring every ounce of your being into your craft, and still be invisible in the eyes of those in power. Why? Because the gatekeepers at the top refuse to acknowledge your existence—or they don't care.
At the beginning of my career, I naively thought that if I worked harder and focused on producing tangible results, I would naturally be included in important strategic discussions. However, I soon learned that I needed to speak up for myself. At one stage, I prepared a thorough presentation and spreadsheet outlining the significant cost-saving measures implemented by my department, including recruitment efficiencies and benefits savings. Despite the compelling data, securing a seat at the table was still a struggle.
Don’t wait for someone to notice your contributions. Advocate for yourself with confidence and clarity.
Recognize Your Value (Even When They Don’t)
Imposter syndrome is a powerful enemy, especially when you’re often the “only” in the room. You must first believe you belong there to demand a seat at the table. This starts with recognizing your unique contributions and articulating them effectively.
Ask yourself:
• What problems have I solved that others couldn’t?
• How has my work impacted the bottom line or improved organizational culture? • What strengths do I bring that no one else does?
One practical way to reinforce your sense of value is to make it a habit to take inventory of your contributions every quarter. Reflect on your successes and the positive impacts you’ve had on your role, your team, and your organization. Write them down.
This practice boosts your confidence and fortifies you for crucial conversations about recognition. Whether you're advocating for promotions, raises, or strategic opportunities, you'll be armed with a concrete, data-driven case that leaves no room for doubt.
This has been an invaluable weapon in my arsenal. From the beginning of my career, I meticulously documented every success—from overhauling hiring processes to securing substantial cost savings. This wasn't just to reassure me emotionally; it was ammunition for when I needed to fiercely demand the recognition I deserved.
The Power of Saying No
If you’re reading this and working in HR, administrative roles, or marketing, you’re likely all too familiar with the extra tasks that often come with the territory. These fields, dominated by women—93% of administrative assistants, 73% of HR managers, and 60% of marketing professionals—are often burdened with what’s been dubbed “office housework.”
This housework, including organizing meals, taking meeting notes, or planning events, may seem harmless but can significantly detract from strategic work and career advancement opportunities.
Midway through my career, I joined an agency whose fiscal year ended on September 30th, the same day as the government’s. The last two weeks of that time were known as “silly season,” when the government scrambled to spend the remaining budgets. Historically, the HR team was tasked with coordinating breakfast, lunch, dinner, room setup, and cleanup, in addition to regular responsibilities.
After my first year, I’d had enough. I rallied support leaders from Finance, Marketing, Contracts, and HR and proposed a rotational schedule. Every department took turns managing these tasks, spreading the responsibility across the organization. The results? No one department was overwhelmed, and we learned to work as a cohesive team.
Declining opportunities is not just a means of self-preservation but a way of establishing equitable and cooperative systems. By standing firm in your decisions, you safeguard your valuable resources and establish a standard that promotes the well-being of all involved.
The Lonely Chair: Being the Only Woman in the Room
Seated in a stifling room, filled with the pressure to create a secure and successful workforce, navigating the treacherous landscape of being the sole woman amidst a sea of men. Leading in a male-dominated environment is like walking on a razor's edge: constantly juggling expertise with emotional fortitude relying on data-driven choices while bearing the weight of emotional labor that comes with being the "only one."
It's an exhausting task, no doubt. And yes, men can be overly dramatic - as expected. But what keeps me rooted and unfaltering are three unwavering pillars: absolute mastery in my field, speaking with uncompromising integrity, and backing every recommendation with solid data and analytics. Yet, despite my efforts, waves of aggression and backlash relentlessly crash into me, serving as a constant reminder of the isolating solitude that comes with sitting in this powerful chair.
When the Blowhard Speaks
Picture this: I was giving a routine presentation to my fellow C-suite executives, discussing the necessary but mundane topic of handbook updates. But just as I was about to move on, the CFO decided to throw a wrench in the works. He launched into a five-minute tirade, denouncing FMLA as untenable and a complete sham. All the while, our peers sat in stunned silence. This wasn't a discussion or debate; it was a blatant attempt to grandstand—and on established federal law, no less.
Later, he had the audacity to email me an apology for his outburst. But here's the kicker: The apology was private, conveniently omitting our colleagues who witnessed his unprofessional behavior. This is just one example of the constant aggression and dismissal that women face in leadership roles: they openly undermine us in public, privately express regret, and ultimately not be held accountable for their actions when it truly matters.
Navigating the Drama
These moments, while frustrating, are why I’ve learned to anchor myself in expertise and professionalism. Here’s how I’ve managed to survive and thrive in these situations:
1. Stay Grounded in Expertise
• Know your stuff. You become harder to dismiss when you’re the expert in the room. After the CFO's outburst, I leaned on my knowledge of labor laws, analytics, and workforce strategy to refocus the conversation. By returning to the data, I reinforced my authority and steered us back to productivity.
2. Speak with Integrity
• There’s power in sticking to the facts and speaking from a place of authenticity. Even when challenged, maintaining composure signals that you’re in control, even when others aren’t.
3. Lean on Data
• Numbers don’t lie; they become your armor in moments of doubt or backlash. I regularly use analytics and metrics to substantiate my recommendations. It’s harder for someone to argue with data than with feelings.
4. Acknowledge the Emotional Toll
• Let’s be real: It’s exhausting. Sitting in that chair, absorbing aggression, and finding ways to rise above it isn’t easy. Acknowledge the emotional labor that comes with it, but don’t let it define you.
The Reality of Backlash
Sitting in a lonely chair is more than being outnumbered. It's a constant feeling of scrutiny as if you must prove your worth over and over again. The tension in the air is thick, and an underlying aggression can catch you off guard.
Although there has been progress - with 29% of C-suite roles now held by women - there is still a long road ahead. This backlash isn't just personal; it's ingrained in the system. But despite it all, we persist. We persist because we know our value and because our contributions matter. Every moment of resistance is a small victory, bringing us one step closer to making that chair less lonely for the next woman who sits in it. The weight of change hangs heavy in the air, but we carry on, determined to break through barriers and pave the way for future generations.
A Call for Accountability
That CFO’s private apology wasn’t enough, and I told him as much. If you’re going to undermine someone publicly, the least you can do is make amends in the same forum. This isn’t just about courtesy—it’s about accountability. As women in leadership, we must demand it, not just for ourselves but also for the women who follow.
The lonely chair is heavy, but it’s also a powerful position. By owning our expertise, speaking with integrity, and calling out the double standards we face, we don’t just sit at the table—we reshape it.
When to Flip the Table (Metaphorically, Of Course)
In business, being heard often requires taking a leap beyond your comfort zone and flipping the power dynamics of strained relationships. It's not about seeking conflict or confrontation but rather about actively seeking opportunities to bridge gaps and build trust, even in difficult circumstances.
As a personal strategy, I often volunteer to work on projects with individuals I know will be key collaborators in the future. Why? Because there is no better way to break down barriers than by coming together and tackling challenges shoulder-to-shoulder. By rolling up our sleeves and working side-by-side, we can build stronger connections and cultivate a sense of camaraderie that can overcome even the most challenging obstacles.
Building Bridges in IT
When I walked into an HR organization known for its tumultuous relationships with IT and Finance, I knew I needed to rewrite the script. My first move was to invite the IT manager to a leisurely lunch, not to discuss business matters but to truly get to know him as a person. I wanted to understand his team's challenges, their grievances with HR, and his vision for strengthening collaboration between our departments.
That conversation was a turning point. By showing genuine interest in his perspective, I signaled that I wasn’t there to perpetuate the status quo but to build something better. Over time, our teams began working more cohesively, and the relationship between HR and IT became one of mutual respect and support.
Turning a Crisis into an Opportunity with Finance
A new CFO was added to the chaos of an already tumultuous time at the same organization. But this wasn't just any chaotic situation—it was a complete disaster. I was “voluntold” to tackle the mess that was a botched audit, one that had missed filing deadlines not once but twice. The pressure was suffocating as I dove headfirst into the turmoil and tried to salvage what little hope remained.
Rather than balk at the mess, I dove in. I worked with the finance team, untangling problems, streamlining processes, and ensuring the audit was finally completed successfully. Through that experience, the CFO saw my commitment and capability firsthand, and we became strong allies.
The Power of Volunteering Strategically
These experiences taught me that flipping the table isn’t about upending everything but creating opportunities to demonstrate your value and build trust. When you volunteer to help solve problems, especially in areas outside your immediate purview, you:
• Show initiative and a willingness to collaborate.
• Gain insights into other departments’ challenges and priorities.
• Position yourself as a credible, solutions-oriented leader who can bridge gaps.
It’s not always easy; sometimes, it means stepping into messy, high-stakes situations. But the payoff is worth it. By taking the initiative to repair strained relationships or tackle problems others avoid, you earn allies and establish yourself as an indispensable part of the team.
When to Flip the Table in Your Career
If you’re feeling excluded from key decisions or undervalued, don’t wait for an invitation to the conversation. Create your own. Volunteer for cross-functional projects, initiate one-on-one meetings and find ways to add value where it’s most needed. The connections you build and the trust you earn can open doors you didn’t even know existed.
Claim Your Power, Build the Legacy
Ascending to a leadership position is no small feat, especially when you stand alone as the only woman in the room. The climb is marked by moments of unwavering determination, fierce self-advocacy, and undeniable courage. But let me share with you a truth: the challenges you face are not just for yourself; they pave the way for future generations of women. Whenever you speak up for your rights, reject unequal expectations, or forge alliances with other powerful individuals, you create a lasting legacy that will make the journey smoother for those who follow.
You do not need anyone's approval to lead. The space at the top is already yours, so claim it boldly and without apology. Speak confidently with authority, act with unwavering integrity, and always remember: While the table may not have been set for you initially, that does not mean you cannot build a bigger, better one for yourself and those who will come after you. Your seat at the table awaits—go and take it with pride and determination.