Being a mom doesn’t come with a manual—especially when your children start transitioning into adulthood at what sometimes feels like lightning speed. I have three kids, aged 21, 18, and 13, and let me tell you, this stage is no joke. I’m balancing their unique timelines, dreams, and struggles, all while trying to make sure they launch into adulthood successfully (whatever that means).
As a mother, my days are filled with the endless balancing act of juggling a million different things. I strive to keep each one safe and secure, to protect their dreams as they navigate through life's challenges. It's an exhilarating yet exhausting journey,
especially as I support my teenage and young adult children. But through it all, I've learned invaluable lessons on how to guide them through this ever-changing rollercoaster ride while maintaining my own sanity (for the most part).
1. Recognize and Support Individual Timelines
No two kids are the same, and no two timelines are either. It took me a while to stop comparing my kids to each other—and to everyone else’s kids. My 21-year-old is navigating college and career decisions, my 18-year-old is still figuring out what he wants to focus on post high school, and my 13-year-old is…well, still 13. They’re all in different places, and I’ve had to adjust to supporting them at their own pace.
The hardest part? Realizing their journey isn’t about my expectations. It’s about their timeline, not mine. And yes, that means letting go of a lot of control.
It is important to acknowledge that each child has a unique journey. As a parent, your role is not to dictate their path towards success, but rather to nurture their growth and celebrate their individuality. Avoid making comparisons or setting strict timelines for them - they will reach their destination on their own time. Embrace their uniqueness and allow them to bloom at their own pace.
2. Help Them Identify Their Unique Gifts and Skills
Each of my kids has their own unique set of talents, and I’ve learned that my job isn’t to mold them but to help them recognize their gifts. My oldest is a music and animal lover with a passion for science—there’s a part of her that’s always exploring the world in curious and analytical ways. My middle child is an avid gamer who, believe it or not, won an award for developing an app during camp one year. And my youngest? She’s my little performer—whether it’s cracking jokes or putting on a show, she’s always ready for the audience.
My job is to help them see their potential without pushing them too hard. It’s a delicate balance, especially when they’re uncertain or just plain resistant (because let’s face it, teenagers). I’m trying to guide them in a way that helps them recognize their talents and start thinking about how to use those skills in the real world.
Exercise: Sit down with your kids and talk about what excites them, and what they enjoy doing. Help them connect the dots between their strengths and potential future paths. But keep it light—nobody wants a lecture.
3. Balancing the Cost of Supporting Grown Children
Here’s the tricky part: adult kids under your roof. My 21-year-old is still living at home because, let’s be honest, the cost of living is brutal, and finding financial independence right now feels like climbing a mountain. My 18-year-old isn’t quite ready to move out either. It’s tough financially, but I’m learning to balance it as best as I can.
My oldest is in college studying Medical Laboratory Technology and working in a busy Psychiatry office part-time. The middle works at the local drug store and is learning about Pharmacy Technology during his gap year. And the youngest has already decided her dream first job—Sephora.
We’ve had some open and honest conversations about finances. We've discussed the value of hard work and responsibility, and I've set clear expectations for them to contribute financially in some way, whether through a part-time job or covering their own expenses like gas or their phone bill. It's an ongoing process, but we're making strides and figuring it out together. The house is a hive of activity as they pitch in with chores and errands. Despite the occasional hiccups, each day brings us closer to finding our balance and growing together as a family.
Tip: Be open about the financial realities of supporting adult children, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries. It’s okay to expect them to contribute in some way, even if it’s small. It’s all part of teaching them responsibility.
4. Keeping Them Safe—Even When They’re Grown
I thought the need to protect my kids would ease up once they hit their late teens, but nope. Turns out, it’s even more nerve-wracking when they’re out in the world, making their own decisions. I’m constantly reminding myself that I can’t control everything (although I wish I could). But what I can do is give them the tools to protect themselves.
We have a lot of conversations about safety—whether it’s about being smart online, safe driving, navigating social situations, or making good financial choices. I try to make it clear that they can always come to me if they need help. The last thing I want is for them to feel like they’re on their own, even when they’re making their own choices.
Tip: Keep communication open. Talk about safety, but also make sure they know you’re always there as a safety net, no matter what.
5. Understanding the Impact on “Covid Kids”
Now, let’s talk about the “Covid kids.” I have two teenagers and one young adult who lived through the pandemic, and let me tell you, it left its mark. According to experts, some kids matured emotionally by as much as three extra years during those isolation-filled months. For others, the lack of social interaction slowed things down. In my household, it was a mix of both.
My oldest was diagnosed with ADHD during her senior year, 2020-21—a year that didn’t look anything like we imagined. Proms were scarce, and all the usual teen boundary-pushing moments didn’t get to happen. She hung in there, but online learning was tough; it simply didn’t support her learning style. She needed that in-person connection and the isolation made everything harder.
My son, diagnosed with OCD during the pandemic, enjoyed the flexibility of online learning. But let’s be honest, he procrastinated like crazy. We decided that virtual schooling was the best option for him through high school, especially because his anxiety spiked when schools reopened. Managing OCD in a post-Covid world is a whole new challenge, but we’re figuring it out.
As for my youngest, I worry about the basics—reading, writing, and arithmetic. Sometimes I wonder if she’s behind, but then I remind myself… they’re all behind. The pandemic affected everyone differently, and it’s not just my kids. We’re all playing catch-up in some way.
Tip: Be aware of how the pandemic affected your kids. For some, it sped up maturity; for others, it caused delays. Adjust your expectations accordingly and give them room to catch up or continue growing at their own pace.
6. Supporting Mental Health Needs
If there’s one thing that became crystal clear during the pandemic, it’s the importance of mental health. Studies show that 1 in 3 children experienced increased anxiety or depression during the pandemic. In my house, with all the neurodivergence (including my own), supporting their mental health has been a daily focus.
The isolation hit hard, making my son’s anxiety worse, while the girls struggled to stay focused without a clear routine. We’ve leaned heavily on therapy and consistent check-ins, making sure they know it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Each of the kids was in therapy during Covid and they know how to ask for help or an additional appointment for support.
Tip: Mental health trumps academics or career goals. Keep the conversation going. Be there for your kids, and don’t hesitate to seek help if they need it. Therapy and outside support are game changers.
7. Letting Go While Still Being There
Here’s the hardest part: letting go. Even though they’re older, I still want to fix everything for them. But I’ve learned that part of supporting their transition into adulthood is letting them make their own mistakes. It’s a balance between being there when they need me and stepping back when they don’t.
It’s not easy, and I won’t pretend I have it all figured out, but I’ve learned to let them take their risks and offer advice (when they ask for it).
Tip: Be a safety net, not a helicopter. Let them stumble but be there to catch them when they need it.
Navigating This New Normal
Every child’s journey into adulthood looks different, and for “Covid kids,” it’s a whole new world. The timelines we expected have shifted, and so has the way we parent. From supporting their mental health and understanding their gifts to balancing the financial realities of housing adult kids and keeping them safe, it’s a lot. But one thing is for sure—our love and support will help them find their way, even if it looks a little different than we imagined.
So, to all the tired moms out there, juggling what feels like too much—hang in there. We’re all figuring this out as we go, one step at a time.