I once read a book about an animal tracker from Africa.
He spends his days following subtle clues in the environment to track lions for travelers who want to see them in their natural habitat.
He and his partner wake up before the sunrise and head out. They will sometimes spend days searching for clues, and will often walk many miles, only to discover the path they were on is not where the lions are.
They believe that they are on the right track, and then they realize that it was definitely the wrong track.
This is a beautiful metaphor for the love relationships in our lives.
Have you ever entered into a relationship, and then 6 months in (or a year in), you realize that this person is not who you thought they were? You believe that you are on the right track, and that this is the track where love is. You go ALL IN.
Then, you discover that this is not where love is. Then, what? Do you continue to walk down the wrong track? Do you give up on love completely?
It can be hard to move on from this because we often create stories about why something didn’t work, or why we don’t deserve love, or why we keep making bad choices.
I can’t tell you how many times I have vowed to never let myself fall in love again, because a relationship didn’t work out, and I believed that I should just give up on trying.
If it was meant to be, wouldn’t it be easy? If I was meant to fall in love, wouldn't it have happened already?
There is an interesting statistic about lions. These are animals that have evolved to hunt and to kill other animals so that they can eat.
Out of every 10 hunts, a lion will only successfully kill 2 animals. They have a 21% success rate doing the thing they are built to do!
I have yet to meet a lion who wastes time beating themselves up, and wondering why they suck at hunting.
As humans, we are built for love. We are relational creatures, and love is the glue that holds relationships together. But, just like lions, we are also meant to make a lot of mistakes. This is part of the learning, and this is how we grow.
I am grateful for every past relationship. I am grateful for the ones that lasted months, and the ones that lasted years.
I am especially grateful for the ones that were painful and confusing because I learned the very important difference between what love is and what love is NOT.
The relationships that teach us what love is not are often painful, but they are also part of the great work of being a human who loves.
Love is an infinite force that holds the universe together. It is a magnetic force, and an embracing force. Love is larger than you and me. It exists in the spaces in between things. Every relationship is held together by love, even when we are unaware of it.
It is one of the great and mysterious invisible threads of the universe. So, no matter what happens in your relationships, it is good to know that love is always here.
When you find yourself on the wrong track, and you know that it is time to walk in a different direction, begin by tuning in to the knowing that you feel in your body.
In my experience, my knowing always starts in my body. I can feel certain truths in my body before I am able to know them in my mind. By acknowledging what I feel, my mind eventually catches up. It becomes easier to move forward when both my mind and my body are on the same track.
Then, the next step is to tune into other clues in your life that point towards a new path. Sometimes these are subtle, open doorways. Maybe a friend calls you out of the blue, or a new song catches your ear, or an invitation to travel shows up…
Pay attention to the mundane things of your life. Notice the colors in your closet, the books on your shelf, the trees you pass on your way to work, etc.
Open your mind and your heart to new ways of seeing the world. Slowly a new track will emerge. You will find clues along the way. You will fall in love again, and you might also walk down another wrong track in order to find the right one.