Dear Santa,
I hope this letter finds you well—although I suspect the elves are probably on strike, and Mrs. Claus is asking why she has to manage the entire Christmas dinner for the North Pole.
Anyway, I’m writing because I don’t need much this year. I just want my sanity back.
You see, the holidays are… a lot. When I was a kid, it was simpler. We sat on your lap at the mall, rattled off a list of toys, and maybe you came through (unless my parents were struggling financially or decided to be “practical”). Now, as a GenX mom, I’m juggling holiday expectations that make surviving the Thunderdome look easy.
Let me break it down for you.
1. Elf on the Shelf Tyranny
Let me start by saying this: I’m finally free. This will be my second Christmas without that beady-eyed surveillance doll. But Santa, I’m asking on behalf of the GenX moms who are still trapped.
Their kids demand nightly feats of creativity, and they’re running out of ideas. Last year, someone’s Elf made a “snow angel” in flour on the counter. Today, another mom forgot to move him, and having been down this path before, the repercussions are swift and long-lasting.
Can we retire this tradition for good? Just tell the kids you’ve outsourced surveillance to Ring cameras. At least then, there’d be fewer messes to clean up.
2. Inflatable Lawn Decor Wars
I grew up with string lights and maybe a glowing plastic Santa. Now, my neighbors are locked in a suburban arms race with 20-foot inflatable reindeer.
The pressure to “keep up” is real. Personally, I’d rather spend December not wondering whether the power bill will outpace the mortgage. And I’m quite tempted to tour the neighborhood with a blow-dart gun just to end the madness.
3. The Gift-Giving Gauntlet
Remember the Sears Wish Book? One catalog, 100 pages, total magic. My kids don’t even know what they want anymore because their “wish lists” are based on TikTok trends that change daily.
And let’s not even talk about trying to order gifts online. Supply chain issues mean that getting a Hatchimal or some other overpriced nonsense is now equivalent to procuring black-market gold. I’ve considered printing out IOUs and calling it a day.
4. Teacher Gifts Gone Wild
It used to be simple: a mug, a handmade card, maybe some chocolate. Now, Pinterest has convinced us that every teacher needs a curated gift basket with artisanal honey, a personalized thermos, and a heartfelt note written in calligraphy.
Can I just Venmo the teachers directly and call it “saving their sanity”? Because mine is already long gone.
5. The Holiday Photo Shoot from Hell
Ah, the annual holiday card. Nothing says “merry and bright” like forcing my kids to wear itchy sweaters and smile like they’re being held hostage.
After two hours of bribes, threats, and yelling, I’ll finally settle on a photo where at least one kid isn’t crying. And for what? To send overpriced cards to people who only glance at them before throwing them in the recycling bin. Winning!
6. The Overachieving Holiday Moms
Santa, I know you see them, too. They’re the ones baking gingerbread houses from scratch, planning caroling parties, and throwing themed Christmas movie nights with matching pajamas for the whole family.
Meanwhile, I’m buying store-bought cookies and barely surviving. They seem to have some magical Martha Stewart gene that skipped me entirely. I love them; I just want them to know they can relax a little.
7. Endless Holiday Obligations
Between school concerts, cookie exchanges, office parties, and ugly sweater contests, I’ve spent more time in holiday traffic than actually enjoying the season.
Can we cancel at least half of these? I just want one quiet evening to watch Die Hard without feeling guilty for missing yet another “festive” potluck.
8. Overpriced “Experiential” Gifts
What happened to just giving toys? Now, I’m supposed to fund experiences that create “lifelong memories.” A weekend getaway at a cabin costs as much as my first car.
Can we compromise? The kids get something plastic, and I get to keep my sanity—and my savings account.
9. Holiday Diet Culture
The relentless pressure to “watch what you eat” during the holidays is exhausting. Diet culture is louder than Mariah Carey in November.
Santa, I’m eating the cookies, the fudge, and the second helping of mashed potatoes. Please don’t judge.
10. Gift-Wrapping Olympics
Why do people act like wrapping paper is an art form? My gifts look like a raccoon has mangled them.
The worst part? The kids tear into them in three seconds flat, so what’s the point? Next year, I’m just using grocery bags - festive ones if I’m feeling fancy.
11. Family Drama That Could Fuel a Soap Opera
Every holiday, it’s the same. Aunt Linda insists on bringing her “famous” Jell-O salad, Uncle Bob gets political after too much eggnog, and I’m stuck mediating while pretending everything’s fine.
Can I just Zoom from the safety of my couch?
12. The Mental Load of “Holiday Magic”
Let’s be honest, Santa: You get all the credit while moms do all the work. I’m the one buying the gifts, decorating the house, cooking the meals, and keeping everyone from murdering each other.
How about sharing the glory? Maybe a thank-you note addressed to me this year?
My Holiday Wishlist
So here’s what I’m asking for this Christmas:
1. A moratorium on Elf on the Shelf. Let him “retire” to a beach in the Bahamas.
2. A ceasefire in the suburban decor wars. Let’s all agree to one inflatable per lawn.
3. A universal “opt-out” button for all non-essential holiday obligations. 4. A year where “holiday magic” includes parents getting naps, wine, and silence.
Santa, I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. GenX moms everywhere are in the trenches, trying to make the holidays special while secretly wishing we could fast-forward to January.
So if you’re listening—and I know you are—please grant me this one wish: Let this season be about joy, not perfection.
Sincerely,
A Very Tired GenX Mom