Let’s talk about something that’s been on my mind lately (okay, daily)—aging in the workplace. Imagine this: you’re in the middle of a meeting, making a point with the wisdom of years behind you, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the conference room glass or your reflection staring back at you in that video call. The grays are showing, the wrinkles are there, and suddenly, you’re not just thinking about the quarterly report but how you’re being perceived in a room that often values youth over experience. Sound familiar?
The Double Standard of Aging
As we grow older, it becomes increasingly clear that we face distinct pressures and expectations. While men are often praised for becoming “distinguished” with age, women are relegated to the label of “over the hill.” This frustrating double standard is painfully evident in professional settings, where our worth is judged not just by our abilities but also by our appearance—a biased measure that holds no significance to our actual performance.
The 'Dadbod' vs. Reality
The 'Dadbod' trend is a prime example of society's double standards for men and women. While men with some extra weight are often seen as relatable and even attractive, women are constantly expected to maintain a slim, youthful figure despite the natural changes our bodies go through. This inequality is unjust and places unnecessary pressure on individuals to conform to unrealistic beauty ideals.
The Silver Fox vs. The Invisible Woman
The 'Silver Fox' trope, often applied to men who possess a distinguished head of gray hair, is seen as a sign of wisdom and intrigue. Just take a look at the iconic George Clooney. However, when it comes to women, gray hair can lead to assumptions about our vitality and relevance. Society often views us as past our prime instead of recognizing that we are still in our prime. It's a harsh reality that many of us face on a daily basis as we navigate through ageism and societal norms.
Hair Color: To Dye or Not to Dye?
Let’s start with hair. Deciding whether to embrace the gray or cover it up is more than a personal choice; it’s a statement. Going gray can be seen as embracing your natural self, but it can also be interpreted as “letting yourself go” in some professional circles. On the flip side, coloring your hair to maintain a youthful appearance can feel like bowing to societal pressures.
I made a decision in January of 2023 to stop dyeing my hair. It was a difficult choice because I had been covering up my gray strands for years (thirty to be exact), afraid that they would make me look too old in a workplace where youth is often valued. But I came to realize that this constant effort to maintain a certain appearance was also about hiding a part of who I am. Letting my natural hair color shine through has been incredibly freeing, although I still catch frightening glimpses of my mother in the mirror at times, especially when I'm not wearing my glasses.
Botox and Other 'Fixes'
And let's remember Botox and other cosmetic enhancements. Some of us choose to undergo these procedures in order to uphold a certain appearance, while others reject them and embrace the natural aging process. The choice is a personal one, but it often becomes a point of discussion in professional settings. It can take time to find a balance between fitting in with societal expectations and staying true to our own beliefs and values.
In September of 2023, I made the financial decision to stop getting Botox injections. It was only an easy choice because my expenses no longer allow for it. Botox has become a regular part of my beauty routine, erasing the signs of aging that time had left on my face. Giving it up felt like a rebellion against a society obsessed with youth and perfection. But now, I'm learning to embrace what I see in the mirror - wrinkles and all. Each line is a reminder of the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today, and I am proud of the life I have lived. Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind in the future - that’s my sovereign choice.
Semaglutide and the Pressure to Conform
A popular trend has emerged in recent years - the use of weight loss drugs for purely aesthetic purposes. Women, bombarded by societal pressures and professional standards, feel an immense pressure to conform to a certain body image. One such drug, Semaglutide, boasts of medical benefits but, its widespread use for cosmetic weight loss speaks volumes about the extreme measures we resort to to fit into society's narrow definition of beauty. This phenomenon serves as a stark reminder of the relentless scrutiny our bodies are subjected to daily. It is a harsh reality that highlights the toxic standards imposed upon us, driving many to drastic measures in pursuit of unattainable perfection.
The Menopause Taboo
The inevitable stage of menopause, a natural but often stigmatized phase of life, can bring about a host of symptoms that can greatly affect our daily work routines. The sudden onset of hot flashes, unpredictable mood swings, and overwhelming fatigue can all hinder our productivity and success in the workplace. Unfortunately, discussing these issues can be viewed as unprofessional, forcing many women to suffer in silence and isolation. This only adds to the discrimination we already face daily.
Age-Related Hairstyles and Dress Codes
Once a woman reaches a certain age, society expects her to adhere to specific dress codes and hairstyles that are deemed suitable for her status. We can't escape clickbait articles with titles like "GenX is too old for skinny jeans" popping up on our newsfeeds. There are unwritten rules that dictate how she should present herself, neither looking too youthful nor too aged. It becomes a delicate balancing act, trying to maintain a professional appearance without giving off the impression of desperately clinging to youth. The pressure to conform can feel overwhelming as if there is only one acceptable way for an older woman to look in the eyes of society.
The Financial Toll of Maintaining Appearances
A frequently overlooked aspect of this double standard is the heavy financial strain it puts on women. Maintaining the outward appearance expected of us can be incredibly costly, and these expenses add up quickly. Let's break it down:
Hair Color and Treatments: Regular dye jobs can easily cost $150 or more per session, and that’s not counting special treatments like highlights or lowlights. On an annual basis, this can add up to over $2,000.
Botox and Fillers: Botox treatments typically cost between $400-$600 per session, with the effects lasting around three to four months. Annually, that’s roughly $1,600-$2,400. Fillers can cost even more.
Weight Loss Drugs like Semaglutide: These can be incredibly expensive, often costing several hundred dollars per month. Over a year, this can easily exceed $3,000.
Makeup and Skincare: Maintaining a high-quality skincare and makeup routine can cost hundreds of dollars annually. Premium products can push this number into the thousands.
Clothing: Keeping up with professional attire, especially clothing that fits well and looks sharp, can be a significant expense. It’s not unusual for women to spend $500-$1,000 or more annually on work clothes.
Nails and Pedicures: Regular manicures and pedicures can cost $40-$70 per session. If done bi-weekly, this can total $1,000-$1,800 annually.
Shoes and Accessories: Professional footwear and accessories can be another major expense, easily reaching several hundred dollars each year.
In comparison, men tend to spend significantly less on appearance-related expenses. A simple haircut every few weeks and some basic skincare products are usually enough. Some khakis and a golf shirt may suffice for workplace attire. However, in some offices I’ve worked in, men could get away with wearing t-shirts, shorts, and sneakers - a style that would never be acceptable for me as an older woman. This stark contrast in expenses only highlights the unequal standards placed upon women.
Facing Discrimination Head-On
Discrimination based on age and appearance is a multifaceted issue. It’s not just about how others see us but also how we see ourselves. Here are some strategies to navigate this challenging landscape:
Own Your Experience: Your years of experience are a valuable asset. Don’t let societal standards diminish your confidence. Speak up and assert your expertise.
Find Your Tribe: Seek out and connect with other women facing similar challenges. Support and understanding from peers can be incredibly empowering.
Advocate for Change: Speak up and use your voice to promote policies that benefit older employees, like providing accommodations for health concerns and fighting against ageism.
Educate and Enlighten: Sometimes, discrimination comes from ignorance. Educate your colleagues about the realities of aging and menopause, breaking down stigmas and fostering a more inclusive environment.
Self-Care and Authenticity: Nurture yourself in ways that resonate with your true self, whether that means getting Botox injections, embracing your natural graying hair, or anything else. For true empowerment, authenticity is crucial. Stay true to yourself and prioritize self-care that aligns with your values and desires. Be unapologetically you.
Our True Selves
Navigating through the aging process in the workplace can be full of obstacles, but it's also a chance for us to fully embrace who we are. As women of Generation X, we've experienced and accomplished so much. We've raised ourselves (and sometimes our siblings), broken barriers, balanced careers and families, and adapted to countless societal changes. Now, as we grow older, we must shatter the last remaining taboo and proudly own each of our individual aging journeys without apologies.
Our worth cannot be measured by the color of our hair or the smoothness of our skin; it lies in the richness of our experiences and the strength of our character. So let's face the world with pride in our graying locks, laugh lines etched onto our faces, and confidence in knowing we are powerful, capable, and unapologetically ourselves.
This message is for all the GenX women out there facing age-related discrimination at work - you're not alone, and your story is far from over. Together, we are rewriting society's expectations one wrinkle at a time.