Consider this a gift to the men in your lives: a crash course in what not to do during perimenopause. Because let’s be real—we’ve all heard the tired menopause comments from our partners, husbands and guy friends, and they’re not cute, clever or helpful. Cracking jokes about “crazy hormones” or acting like you deserve a medal for surviving our mood swings? Hard pass.
Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life’s Next Period, a new book by Lauren A. Tetenbaum contains an entire chapter written just for all the men in our lives: the husbands, lovers, brothers, fathers, sons, cousins, colleagues and friends. And even though it’s written for millennials, the advice is perfect for GenX men too.
The chapter highlights a long list of Do’s and Dont’s that should be shared with every man because perimenopause is challenging enough without your partner making it worse.
Here is our favorite “Don’t”. Share this with the men in your life.
Don’t Be a Dickhead
Enough with the crude jokes about crazy women and their hormones. Whether you are making them, sharing them, or laughing at them—check yourself. Are you being a nice guy? Would your mother be proud of how you’re acting? Remember, a scrub is a guy who won’t get no love so don’t be one.
The truth is, a perimenopausal woman in your life may be acting different from the woman you know her to be. She may seem moodier, more difficult to appease, and I won’t underestimate the toll that can take on you or your relationship. I’m also not suggesting you do nothing about it. But whatever you do, do it with compassion. She is likely not enjoying her symptoms, either!
“Men should know that a menopausal woman’s potential mood and weight changes are not signs of character flaws, but rather manifestations of wildly fluctuating hormones,” encouraged Dr. Caroline Messer, endocrinologist. There’s also a lot going on at midlife (changes in career, family dynamics, general health) that can contribute to stress. About one-third of US adults getting divorced are aged 50 or older, and studies show that women often blame menopause for the breakdown of or strain in their marriage. But it doesn’t have to be this way, especially if you approach this new chapter with empathy and understanding.
Some women have told me they feel trapped in their own emotions, with the awareness that they’re not quite being rational but feel incapable of calming down the rage or moodiness that rises like a tidal wave. “I feel like I just need to feel my raw emotions, let them out, and then move on without worrying I’m offending my husband, because I know I’m not making complete sense,” I’ve heard.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help with this, for both of you, as you identify triggers to emotional elevations, responses based on cognitive distortions, and more effective coping mechanisms. Try not to react in a way that adds to her mental load such that she feels she has to take care of you on top of or instead of taking care of herself. This does not mean she can be cruel to you, certainly, but it does mean that together you can develop ways to bring levity or establish boundaries you each need.
Excerpted from Millennial Menopause by Lauren A. Tetenbaum. Copyright © 2025 Ulysses Press. Reprinted with permission from Ulysses Press. New York, NY. All rights reserved.
Lauren A. Tetenbaum (AKA “The CounseLaur”) is a millennial mother of two, a writer, a social worker specializing in supporting women through life transitions, and a former lawyer passionate about advocating for women. Through her counseling practice, Lauren facilitates psychoeducational workshops to empower postpartum and other women in corporate settings, provides clinical therapy to individuals and couples in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida, and frequently speaks on podcasts and at events about topics like maternal mental health, gender equity, working parenthood, and women’s reproductive health. She regularly contributes thought leadership on women’s issues to blogs, magazines, and anthologies; Millennial Menopause is her first book. Learn more at TheCounseLaur.com and follow her on Instagram (@thecounselaur).
