Years ago, I was about to teach a yoga class, and an old friend walked in. We shared a hug, and then he told me that he wanted to be there, but he wasn’t going to “push the bunny”.
I had never heard anyone refer to their body as “the bunny” before, and after giggling for a moment, I realized that he was trying to tell me that he was going to take it easy today, and not push his body.
This happened about 15 years ago, and I still think about it.
Like many of us, I grew up with a very complicated relationship with my body. I spent half of my life pushing it, hating it, berating it, starving it, and punishing it.
I believed that the only way I could ever love my body is if it was different from what it was.
When I was in my early teens, I’d pore over the glossy pages of People magazine while eating my cereal each morning. I’d compare myself to the photoshopped celebrities in the pages, and developed a slow hatred of my body. I wanted skinnier legs, a flatter belly, and a thinner nose.
In high school, I became obsessed with skinny, and would paste pictures of super models next to my bed as a kind of self-beratement.
I developed disordered eating. For one year, I only ate fat free cereal and fat free milk. I spent a different year counting every calorie I ate, and forcing myself to vomit anything that went above the calorie amount that I deemed forgivable.
I used exercise as a punishment, and my body felt like a prison.
But, grace has a way of finding us, and my story doesn’t end here.
Do you remember the last time you saw an eagle soaring through the sky? Or a deer walking through the forest? Or a squirrel skittering up a tree?
What were your thoughts? How did you feel about these creature’s bodies? Did you judge the deer for her legs being too spindly, or the eagle for her wings being too wide, or the squirrel for its tail being too bushy?
I know these might sound like silly questions at first. But, why do we feel ok about directing these judgmental thoughts towards our own bodies, and not towards these other bodies?
I was once walking through the woods on a hike with a friend, and we saw what we thought was a huge black dog rushing towards us. As it got closer, we realized that it was a BEAR. Fortunately, the bear quickly turned the other way, and ran. But, we felt enlivened and energized for the rest of the week from this simple encounter. I still feel the blessing of this moment as I share it with you. Like, I am so special because I SAW AN ACTUAL BEAR IN THE WOODS!
“You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”
-Mary Oliver-from Wild Geese
After my friend’s “not pushing the bunny” comment, I travelled down a beautiful rabbit hole (pun intended) of retraining my view of my body.
What if I could see my body as a blessing in the same way that I see the bear’s body as a blessing? What if my body is perfect, and whole exactly as it is? What if I could trust my body as a deer trusts her body?
I started to notice my inner dialogue. I noticed the thoughts I had when I looked in the mirror. I noticed that beneath the negative thoughts about my body was a comparison to a made up “ideal” that I had unconsciously created from a lifetime of consuming mass media.
Anytime I would catch myself thinking and believing these negative thoughts, I would remember the bunny. Remembering the bunny helped me to change the way I was thinking, and these new thoughts started to change the way I felt in my body.
I actually started to love my body. I started to see my body as an amazing creature. I started to see it as my most devoted ally and my best friend. This simple practice has changed my life, and it has healed my relationship with my body.
So often, the inner struggles we experience are self-inflicted. This is not to say that the struggles aren’t real, because they are, and we should have compassion for our struggles. But, it is helpful to understand that we can change our minds, and this can change our lives.
Sometimes, all it takes is a simple idea from a friend to spark the change we need.
Marni Sclaroff is a life coach, writer, artist and yoga teacher who brings a lifelong passion for living a creative and purposeful life to people all over the world. With more than 30 years of experience in the holistic, visual and movement arts, and a Master’s Degree in Art Education, she is well-versed in the languages of artistry and transformation.
