Dear Loving, Clueless, Well-Meaning Friend,
So, you’ve got a friend with cancer, and you want to help but haven’t the faintest idea how. Welcome to the awkward club!
As you grapple with the reality of having a friend with cancer, you may be wondering how to support them. I understand your hesitation – no one ever wants to join this club, but here we are. In our society that values independence and self-reliance, asking for help can feel like wearing wet socks, uncomfortable and awkward. And sometimes, in the midst of it all, it’s hard to even know what kind of help is needed.
To save you from the cringe-worthy dance of “Let me know if you need anything”(spoiler alert: we absolutely won’t), here are 25 ways you can swoop in like the hero you are and support a cancer patient (or anyone with a chronic illness) without needing an explicit invitation.
Yes, some of us are too proud to ask, and yes, we’re also silently screaming for help – it’s complicated. Anyway, here’s your cheat sheet:
1. Drop-Off Groceries: No one wants to be seen in public in their PJs, let alone someone with cancer. Bring us the essentials: milk, bread, veggies, chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
2. Gift Cozy Blankets: Hospitals are cold, and so are our homes when we’re too tired to move. A soft, warm blanket is like a hug we can keep. Fuzzy socks would be divine.
3. Send Funny Cards: Humor helps. Trust me, we need laughs more than sympathy. Cards with cats doing yoga? Perfect. Cards with cats doing yoga AND cursing? Brilliant.
4. Clean the House: Nothing says “I care” like a clean toilet and vacuumed floors. Just show up with cleaning supplies and go to town. Don’t ask, just do.
5. Babysit the Kids: Give us a break from parenting. Take the kids to the park, a movie, or anywhere that isn’t our living room.
6. Organize a Meal Train: Coordinate with friends and family to bring meals. We’re tired of our cooking, and it’s a relief not to think about dinner.
7. Do the Laundry: Because no one wants to wear dirty clothes, and we’re too exhausted to deal with the pile that’s taking over the bedroom. Maybe just put the chair laundry away?
8. Provide a Netflix Subscription: Distraction is a gift. Hook us up with some good shows to binge-watch while we’re stuck in bed.
9. Walk the Dog, Feed the Cat: Our furry friends need exercise, and so do we, but sometimes we just can’t. Take Fido for a spin. Pick up litter or catnip for Fluffy on the way.
10. Give Rides to Appointments: Hospital parking sucks. Being dropped off and picked up is a luxury. Offer to be our chauffeur. 5-star ratings for everyone!
11. Plan a Spa Day: We need pampering. Book a massage, manicure, or even a simple foot rub. Being touched absent of medical poking and prodding could be fun.
12. Send Care Packages: Fill them with snacks, books, puzzles, and other small comforts. It’s a delightful surprise that breaks the monotony. Send adult snacks we love too.
13. Lend an Ear: Sometimes, we just need to vent. Offer to listen without judgment or unsolicited advice. Just listen. We won’t even know you’re working in the background.
14. Arrange a Virtual Hangout: Set up a Zoom call with friends to chat and catch up. It’s social interaction without leaving the couch.
15. Help with Yard Work: Mowing the lawn or raking leaves is low on our priority list. Your help keeps the place looking nice.
16. Pay for House Cleaning Services: If you can’t clean yourself, hire someone who can. It’s a godsend.
17. Organize Fundraisers: Medical bills are outrageous and this is America. Set up a GoFundMe or a community fundraiser to help ease the financial burden.
18. Bring Snacks to Chemo: Treatment days are long. Show up with snacks and drinks to make the day a little brighter. Scrabble and puzzles can be a great distraction too!
19. Create a Playlist: Music is therapy. Curate a playlist of uplifting songs to keep our spirits high – you know the songs!
20. Offer Tech Support: Help us with our gadgets. Whether it’s setting up a new phone or troubleshooting a laptop issue, tech help is invaluable.
21. Run Errands: Pick up prescriptions, grab that special tea from the store, or return the library books. Little errands pile up. Also, the Amazon packages won’t return themselves.
22. Decorate for the Holidays: Bring some festive cheer. Put up lights, decorations, or even a small tree. It’s a mood lifter and a reminder that life goes on!
23. Send Fresh Flowers: A bright bouquet can light up a room and our mood. Bonus points if they’re from your garden or better yet – mine.
24. Offer Pet Sitting: When we’re too sick to care for our pets, knowing they’re in good hands is a relief.
25. Be Persistent: Don’t just offer help once and disappear. Keep checking in. We might not always say yes, but knowing you’re there makes a world of difference.
There you have it. Twenty-five ways to be genuinely helpful without us having to spell it out for you. Remember, we’re navigating a lot right now, and your proactive support can make this journey a little less isolating.
With begrudging gratitude, a hint of sarcasm, and a heart full of love,
Your Friend with Cancer
Kathy Yost embodies a remarkable blend of professional acumen and personal depth. With a career spanning over twenty years as an HR executive and Talent Acquisition expert in diverse sectors in Baltimore and the District of Columbia, her expertise is both broad and deep. Kathy’s foundation in Business Administration in Human Resources Management has been the bedrock of her professional journey, influencing her roles in startups, Fortune 500 companies, educational institutions, and government contracting. Find her on Instagram at @kjybecauseisaidso.
